Some contemplate

Although not getting thoroughly clear yet, the professor was indeed showing his interest in my project.

Mom already left when I am having nostalgia in the dark living room. I start thinking about my husband Ebi Takiludun and the village Litu. I start thinking of Mom with a strong sadness within me. Few hours ago I was excited at the chance to live freely and alone abroad, but now the years in Heidelberg remind me of the inevitable good-bye and living apart from my family. Can I tolerate it again?

How can I manage my emotions over this potential long-term separation? If the anxiety and depression can be managed, maybe all this would be so much easier? I will go to my therapist and talk to the doctor who prescribe me. I think these are the least thing I can do.

I have to anyway do it because, beside the fact that I will totally enjoy the process, this is also the way I can cherish my family properly. I change the way I think of Litu already when I realize I might have to be away for a while. Also, the feelings to Ebi T. He can anyway soothe and calm me down so well. The solitude of leading a life alone and the fear and worry thereof fade away if he is there for me.

But how can I occupy him for so long without "compensating" his side of family? They have a field to take care, a mortgage to pay back, several little kids to feed... if I don't provide when he cannot fill in the blank, who to provide?

It's getting even more complicated that we are having a baby now. The best way of doing this is to start next year no sooner than March.

And the keywords are #Carnivores and #CoexistenceConservation.